...Ralf, where... where are you?
Mama?
Papa?
Elizabeth?
...where
where are you?
Johannes quietly stumbled in her blindness through the hallway to find Ralf's room. She had cried herself to sleep and, as she was sleeping, her sister and two childhood friends had all left to find their loved ones and to lament over their deaths. The blind woman woke up whispering her older sister's name. Realizing that she was alone, she sighed and, in her misery, felt as if she should just disregard waiting and go find her beloved. But she had more tears to cry and, as she tried to make her way through, she felt her weakness overwhelm her, and she stumbled over her blind steps, falling on the floor a few times.
Finally her intuition kicked into overdrive and, boldly, she got back up and had her hand along the wall and closed doors as she made her way to where her Roboter slept in death. Noting a gap in the wall, she sensed it was the open door to his room and, her hands feeling for the door, she found the doorknob and closed the door to his room. Numbly she felt her way through until she found the bed; she then walked around it to the other side, so as to get a feel of what sort of room she was in. One hand on the bed, the other against the wall... the window... Unable to stand anymore, she sat down on the side of the bed, unsure what to do, how to feel. But whatever it was she felt, it was a pain worse than loneliness.
"...why... do I feel so empty inside?" she asked herself as she felt around the bed with her hand and, to her saddened shock, found one of Ralf's hands.
His hand... is like ice!? she thought to herself as more tears fell down her pale cheeks. Does that mean that... he's...
Unable to finish the thought she let go of his hand and, hugging her knees to her chest, began to sob. Surely he couldn't die--he was a robot! Robots couldn't die! They'd live forever if they wanted to, they'd shut themselves down if they wanted to! But... unlike robots, Ralf was also human, which meant that he could die at any moment, and there'd be nothing that Johannes, as his love, could do about it. Yet if love could bring back anybody from the dead, surely love could bring back even a semi-human being... it had to be possible.
It had to be possible! It just had to be.
"Ralf... I'm... I'm sorry" she whispered. "I'm sorry I have no power to bring you back to me. I'm sorry I'm just this blind woman who's got faith in the future but not in herself. I...
"I will always be alone here, won't I?"
Memories flooded her mind as tears overflowed from her eyes. It all began in Lisbon, and then onboard the Trans-Europa, when in their first conversation together...
"I pray you don't ever end up alone in this life."
"I am not alone, Ralf" she replied. "I am never alone. I have my sister and neighbor and Anneke with me. I have Florian and Wolfgang and Karl with me. And I also have you with me, which is a blessing." A grateful, humble smile appeared on her face.
He smiled back at her, squeezing her hands a bit. "Fräulein Johanne, I promise you, while we're on board the Trans-Europa, I will not let go of your hand."
"But... why?" she asked, confused. "I do not understand."
"That way you know I am with you" he replied. "I want very much for you to be safe, not just around your family but also with me and my friends."
"I suppose it is not a weakness to want to be protected then?" she implied, blushing a bit.
"Not at all, darling" he reaffirmed, kissing her hands.
Johannes mentally cursed herself. Why didn't she beg him to stay instead of him leaving to fight against the enemy only to die? Why did she have to let him go? Perhaps it was better to have to face the world alone, her heart embittered as it was back in Lisbon.
"I... should've never let you go out there" she mourned, recalling their conversations, their memories together... their first kiss...
Ralf stood up and, holding Johannes by her hands, helped her up. "I think we're up for a waltz, Fräulein Johannes" the mensch-maschine said softly. But she only had a blank stare on her face.
"I... I do not know how to dance, no one's ever taught me how to dance the waltz" she replied sadly.
"It's alright, I'll teach you" the kind Roboter responded, and with that he patiently led the waltz as she followed along. But the two only took small, careful steps, pacing themselves so that she would try to get the hang of it. She mentally paced herself as they waltzed to the music. It was a bit out of the ordinary for her to experience her first waltz like this, but she almost stepped on his toes. Yet he was patient and kind with her, smiling at her every moment, every second that he had to spare. He wished he could just see the smile on his face but, at the least, she could feel its warmth in her heart.
Ralf, somehow more than overwhelmed by his love for her, held her hands close to his chest with one of his, while the other touched her pale yet life-sparked face. Then, in a daring move that he would've never considered, he kissed her lips, carefully, but endearingly. For a moment she blinked before closing her eyes, not sure of what was going on, yet liking this moment that, for once, was hers, his, and theirs alone. At this point the two had adjusted well to the waltz, but for Ralf, his feelings finally consumed him.
"Fräulein Johannes" he whispered, "I fear that... I have fallen in love with you..."
"I came to realize that... a long time ago, Ralf" she whispered back, "not simply with your heart but with mine also...
"I just... I just do not know what else to think than, I fear I've begun to love you... when you promised me you wouldn't let me go..."
But the sentence died on her lips as he kissed her again, and at a distance Elizabeth knew then and there how much Ralf truly loved her younger sister.
The waltz had ended before the entire gang hid in the shelter beneath Andelina's cafe in Vienna. The memory never escaped her mind, always settled in her heart. It was bittersweet, recalling the waltz, the lullaby he sang to her that night, the food she consumed in one sitting and the hilarious teasing that followed. But...
none of that mattered anymore now that Ralf was gone.
"Elizabeth... what happened?" Johannes asked when they arrived at the Spacelab.
"I fear... the boys are dying" her older sister answered sadly.
"No! They... they can't be dying..." she replied in despair. "They're... they're robots. They... they can't die! They live forever, don't... they...?"
But her sister was silent as Professor Henning took Ralf from Johannes' arms and into his own.
"No! don't take Ralf away from me, please!!" she pleaded, but it became a sob when she realized he wasn't going to return.
"Ralf!! Wait!! Come back...
COME BACK!!"
Quietly, waiting for something--anything, she lied down on the bed, curled up on her side, facing the wall, and cried herself to sleep.
...a few hours later...
"...and what color is that wall in front of me?"
"The wall is white, Johanna."
"Alright. That color is white. And your arm?"
"The sleeve is red."
"Okay. This color, red."
Johannes woke up to feel warm arms wrapped around her, kisses along her right ear. Her eyes opened and, the first thing she saw was the wall, the window. Tears had fallen from her eyes and became like melted candlewax on the pillow. She glanced to the waxen teardrops, and back to the wall. She started to ask questions, while the person holding her tightly from behind answered her curiosities. She had looked to the wall, to the window, asked about the wall, asked about the color of his sleeves.
"And... what color is this?" she asked, looking to her skirt.
"That color is black" the kind voice answered.
"Black... my sister told me my hair was black" she said wistfully, looking at a curl of her own black hair. "So then that must be black!"
She felt the person nod his head against her ear. "Yep, that's black."
Her face then went to the ceiling. "And... what's that!?" she asked, giggling.
"That's the ceiling" he answered with a kind laugh. "And that thing over there is a fan."
"Elizabeth always complained about the fan in her room breaking down" she recalled. "She hated the thing. I guess I don't really blame her.
"...white... walls, white ceiling... this isn't heaven, right?"
"Right" he answered. "You're alive, just like me."
"So then if I'm alive..." she said sadly, fearing the worst of it.
"No, it's not over for you" the kind soul replied.
Blinking her eyes for a moment she turned her head to face a kind face with bold blue eyes and a warm smile. She then realized... it wasn't a dream. The hands that held her... the voice talking to her. She knew its warmth, she knew the voice.
"...Ralf?" she whispered, a faint smile of hope appearing on her face.
Her true love nodded slowly, tears filling his eyes.
"You... you came back to me?" she asked. "Is it... really you?"
"Yes... it's... it's me" he said, smiling warmly. "I'm here, Johanna. I'm not going anywhere."
"...what color those... things?" she asked softly, pointing to his eyes.
"My eyes are blue" he responded.
"And mine...?"
"They're... purple...!"
"--they're not gray!?" she asked in shock. "Then... it's true... sweet Mother of God above... I can see...
I can see, Ralf!! I can see you!!" she cried joyfully as they hugged each other tightly. Her beloved couldn't help but share in her joy, knowing that she'd often doubted about the hope of her sight, as a few tears fell from his own eyes. She then pulled back to look in his eyes again.
"Alright, that color is blue" she noted. Then, she blinked. "You have very pretty eyes" she said with a smile. He blushed.
"Now your face is almost as red as your shirt!!" she giggled. But he giggled along with her and held her tightly, her face resting against his chest as he kissed the top of her head.
"Ralf?" she spoke again.
He rolled his eyes for a moment--WOW! you're curious!! he thought to himself as he looked to her and asked, "What is it, Johanne?"
"You... have a heart!" she said gleefully in a hushed whisper. "You have a beating heart, Ralf!"
He blinked for a moment and placed his hand on his chest. A faint smile appeared when he felt his own pulse. He had survived the last and worst of the glitch attacks--he had become a full-spirited Mensch-Maschine with, just as his best friends had, a beating heart.
"I... I suppose there are such things as miracles then?" he asked, looking into his beloved's purple eyes.
She shrugged. "Hey, if it can bring you back to me and give me sight in the process..." she answered with a smile.
"By the way, this color is gray, this is brown, and this is also blue!" Ralf quickly explained, pointing to his pants, hair, and the crystal on his Radio locket. Johannes nodded quickly, trying to absorb the information.
"Okay, blue... gray... brown... red... white... black... and my eyes are purple!" she recalled all the colors she learned so far.
"That's my girl!" he cheered, hugging her tightly.
"...no" she said.
"--eh!?" he asked, blinking as he looked into her eyes.
"I'm not a girl, you goober!!" she retorted with a grin.
The Mensch-Maschine looked at her, puzzled.
"I am your Prinzessin, remember?" she reminded him.
A giggle... a laugh escaped his lips, and he held her in a warm embrace. "You're something else, Johanna!!" he said as his laugh died down gently. "Who knew... you'd be so full of life when all you knew was despair?"
"It's because... I can see the world around me now" she explained quietly as she lied down on her back, her face to the ceiling. "I want to see trees... the bells that ring and the birds that sing... my sister and my best friends... Alessandro and Fritz and Professor Henning... Florian and Karl and Wolfgang... Andelina and Gregorio... the city, the world, the life that surrounds me everyday!" She turned her face to smile at him. "But the best part is that I get to see you! Your blue eyes, your warm smile. You're beautiful, you know that?"
He laughed again. "You've got a lot to see then, Johanna."
"Hey, I'm ready!!" she affirmed, smiling cheerfully.
"Now, as for who's so-called beautiful" Ralf spoke, changing the topic a little bit, "I see someone far more beautiful than myself." He lied down on top of her and held her face in his hands. "Someone with bright purple eyes and a dear smile, a warm heart and an even warmer embrace.
"...why, it looks like someone I love."
"Should I ask who it is?" Johannes asked with a curious half-smile.
"...no" he answered. "You know who it is."
"I know" she replied with a grin. "I just want to hear you say it. I want to hear sweet words again... I miss... hearing them..." Her grin died to a somber smile. "My heart almost died because I felt as if you'd died."
"Johanna" he said, "I've no reason to leave you. It was so I could recover fully, on my own, and become an actual Mensch-Maschine. I had once told you this, a long while ago, but it seems that in all of the recent chaos you'd forgotten.
"But rest assured, as long as I'm alive, we'll always be together."
"You... promise?" she asked with a hopeful look on her face.
He kissed her nose. "Always, princess, always."
For a moment they smiled, eyes locked to each other without a care about the outside world. Then he hugged her tightly, kissing her cheek and resting his head beside her head on the pillow.
Hours later the sun shone into the room, and Johannes blinked to see the beautiful sunrise outside in her home city. This must be Düsseldorf! she thought with a smile as her eyes fixed to the life outside the window. She then looked at Ralf, who'd fallen asleep with his head rested against her heart. Gently she ran a finger along his cheek, and he blinked his eyes open, looking up at her.
"Guten morgen, Ralf" she whispered, still smiling.
"Guten morgen, Johanna" he whispered back as a smile broke across his face. He then moved so that his his forehead could touch hers.
"...you know," she said, "I realized that, I forgot to tell you something."
"Forgot to tell me what?" he asked.
"I actually forgot to tell you I love you" she said nonchalantly, still smiling.
His smile turned into a humored, bashful grin as he held her face in his hands again. Running a thumb along her lower lip he kissed her nose and smiled.
"I love you, Ralf" she whispered.
"I love you too, Johanna" he whispered back. Glancing to the scene outside the window for a moment, he then turned his gaze back to her.
"It looks like a promising day today" she said.
"That's mostly because I'm with someone I love dearly" he replied wistfully.
"Oh really?" she laughed. "And who might she be, my dear?"
But he simply kissed her forehead, and then her nose and cheeks. Finally he looked her in the eyes and smiled warmly. "I... I don't have to tell you, you know that. You know who it is."
"I know but... I just want to hear it from you again. It's music to my ears."
When he heard her words of love, his heart became overwhelmed by his love for her, and he gently kissed her still-smiling mouth, whispering inbetween kisses who she was to him so that she could remember who she was in his heart, more than anything--"Meine liebe Prinzessin... my dear, sweet Princess..."
*writer's note--memory excerpts are from Chapter 3 [All Aboard the Trans-Europa!] and Chapter 10 [A Late-Night Cafe].*
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment