Anneke watched Johannes fall asleep in tears as time passed through in the Spacelab's waiting room. Should she simply leave the blind angel here and go find Karl? Elizabeth had left to mourn over Florian, just as Rebekah for Wolfgang. But then what would the young blind soul of the Quartet do if the no-longer joke-filled spirit of the bunch went to look for the one she loved? Surely she herself would go find Ralf to cry her tears over his unlikely death.
Quietly she made her humble decision and, leaving Johannes to sleep, left to find her beloved's room. As she closed the door, she felt the chill in the room, took it all into her soul. To her it was as if it was the very chill of death--the chill of death that overtook Karl, the chill of death that would soon overtake her. Then she turned to look at him, and tears flooded her eyes when she saw his lifeless body wired to the machines that either kept him alive or prepared him for his funeral.
"This..." she said softly to herself "can't be... happening..."
Going to the window at the other side of the room she saw the lights that shone brightly in Düsseldorf, her hometown. It glowed beautifully as it used to be in the past, yet to her it meant nothing. Not while Karl was dead. She never wanted this to happen--that she'd return home but her soul'd lost all feeling. Leaning her forehead against the window, she looked out the window to see Alessandro and Fritz outside, walking to the town ahead of them. The orphan was dressed as the guys were--he himself was a Mensch-Maschine in spirit and form. His glitch attacks came as an infant, but he overcame them boldly and grew up to be a cheerful 12-year-old with the respect and charm of a young boy.
"Someday" she whispered softly, "the boy will have a family. I can feel it."
Turning away to look at Karl, she went and sat down at the side of the bed, her face gazing painfully at his lifeless own. Who was she to think that miracles were possible now, given the circumstances she'd faced throughout her entire life? Her best friend since childhood witnessed the death of her parents as a child. Her best friend's younger sister was born blind, with no hope of sight possible for her. And the youngest of the Quartet was afraid at almost everything. But what... what about the Anneke that grew up? She'd faced life alone as her working-class parents worked so hard to support the family, if not for her three dearest friends. But all she knew was just that--her best friends, Düsseldorf as it used to be.
Yet, recalling the memory, it all changed when, as the girls were about to leave Lisbon...
Anneke walked up to KW310552, her eyes a bit solemn in case he meant trouble. Her stern glare soon turned into a giggly grin when he made a funny face. Suddenly, she no longer felt like she had to be on high alert around him as he extended a hand to her.
"Hallo, my name is Karl" he spoke. "And you are?"
"Anneke Weldenta" she answered, her hand now in his. "Are you going to be with us on the Trans-Europa?"
Karl nodded. "Absolutely, Miss Anneke."
She'd remembered the charm in his smile. He was always adorable, how he forgot her name at first when the train started for Paris, how whatever he wanted to say died when his blue eyes met hers. She remembered his blue eyes, his adorable smile, his silly sense of humor which matched--and at times rivaled--hers, his funny respect for the camera. She remembered so much about him, but in particular things had begun to change one night in Venice not so long ago...
"Hide what must be hid, tell what must be told."
Karl's words echoed in her head. What was she to do? Should she think through her words or simply spill out her heart?
Suddenly she felt a tie being tied loosely around her neck, and her gaze looked up to his smiling face.
"I kinda wondered if that tie looked better on you than on me" the Roboter said, keeping the tie loose around her neck. He had his top two buttons undone, and a faint scar had shown at the base of his neck.
"...what happened there, Karl?" she asked, glancing to the scar.
"That was from the accident that... that almost killed me" he replied sadly. Curious she opened one more button to see the extent of the scar. It was only enough to scar the shoulder, yet it missed his heart. But, of course, the circumstances of that injury could've been much worse also.
Quietly she undid the back buttons of her high collar, and one button from each side of her coat, revealing a scar that started just below her left ear, running down the side of the neck, over her collarbone, stopping just above where her heart was.
"This" she explained "was when I fought against the enemy in the beginning of their invasion. One of the Troopers almost killed me. Rekah had to heal me before taking care of anything else. The girl almost died." She then sat down on the grass, hugging her knees to her chest. "I wanted to help out the girls, and two almost died because of it."
She still could not believe she told someone she'd only known a few months about the fight that almost killed her had Rebekah not interfered and revived most of her with her own soul. Then the tears fell as the memory continued, her hands now holding his cold, lifeless own...
"I... I'm in love... and it hurts sometimes" she started as he kissed her forehead, and looked back into her eyes with a smile. She took a deep breath, not sure what else to tell him, until an encouraging nod from him meant for her to keep talking.
Karl, to death I dearly love Elibeth, Johannes, and Rekah. We've been together all our lives, through thick and thin, Birthday parties and funerals. We've suffered together, we've laughed together, we've cried together, we've fought together. Til death I will always love these girls, these sisters that they've become for me.
"But I swore I'd never fall in love and suffer the pain that Rekah felt. Her heart was broken simply because she took care of Johannes.
"You... you're the reason I changed in such a strange way. For the first time, I felt more... dare I say, vulnerable than I'd like to admit. I felt my heart be happy, at the same moment I felt that same heart break. And God forbid something ever dare happened to you, I wouldn't know what to do, how to act, what to think.
"And I think I'm beginning to realize that, this must be what love does to people. It makes people really see how much they're truly worth.
"It scares me to think this but... but I love you a bit much more than I love my sisters."
"I guess I owe you a confession myself" Karl whispered after he had kissed along the scar again. "Well then, where to begin, where to begin..." Anneke blinked watching his every move.
"For one" he said, straddling her again, "you look damn beautiful like that." With a smile he grabbed his camera and, as she giggled for a moment, turned the camera on. "This one is going in my own little photo album." With that he took a picture of the beautiful, bashful woman. Putting his camera to the side, he lied down beside her again and smiled.
"Two, that tie looks sooo much better on you than on me" he admitted as he ran a finger down her cheek, along her neck, which made her giggle.
"I love your smile, I love your laugh, I love how your eyes just glow when there's a case of moonlight about. I love the way you look, I love the way you think, I love all of that and more than I could count at the moment. I...
"I couldn't love anyone else that couldn't be you" he admitted. "And for me I don't want anyone else. For me, there is you, and that is all there is to it.
"So I guess, what I'm trying to say is... that... I love you too."
Anneke opened her eyes to see the tearstains on the bedding, his shirt, her own attire. She'd turned into a downright mess of emotions. Who knew that behind the laughter, the humor and joy she had for everyone... lived the despair of being alone for the rest of her life? The fear had faded away when they confessed their love for each other; her heart was very happy. This moment, however, was anything but cheerful--it was the darkest moment since the takeover of the Darkstrom. The death of Elizabeth and Johannes' parents. The fight that almost killed her. The capture and imprisonment in Lisbon.
The life she'd felt so far... she didn't deserve that happiness...
She was a strange goofball, her sense of humor could've kept her friends laughing for hours. But she was also always prepared for anything.
Or so, she thought she was. But she was nowhere near prepared for what happened to her that night, when the braids at last came undone and she was willingly unable to stop whatever was going on.
Finally her gaze fell to her still-slumbering companion, still dressed except his shirt was no longer tucked in. She still wore his tie, wondering if she should tie it back on him, but the thought perished as she turned on her back to face the morning sky again.
Why'd I let him love me this way?
The thought crossed her mind as she closed her eyes, crossing her arms behind her head as a pillow. Why did she allow him to be with her, when she'd shunned at the thought of love nearly all of her life? What was it about him that brought her to lowering just about all of her defenses? Was it the way they connected in a way they couldn't connect with anyone else? Did they see something in each other past the silly reputations, the humorous laughter in front of and behind the cameras? She couldn't really think much more on the matter, until she felt someone's head rest against her heart, arms wrapped around her tightly. But she didn't open her eyes right away--she knew whose mind was well set against the love of his angel, whose arms wouldn't let go of her for even all the world.
A giggle finally escaped her lips, but it was a soft one, not the usual fit-happy laugh she usually had. Her hands still in his, the mensch-maschinr kissed along her left ear, near the scar she had suffered. Meanwhile her giggled softly quieted down, and she smiled contentedly, basking in his affection. This wasn't what she had grown to know as a child or teenager, but it was definitely something she could get used to.
After a while longer she took his face in her hands and smiled. "By the way, you're the first person since my Father who's ever seen me without my braids and ribbons" she said softly. Karl blinked, slightly stunned, but she still smiled.
"You should realize that, it's an honor. I don't even let Elibeth see me without 'em!" she noted.
His shock died down, and he smiled back, hugging her tightly. Then his eyes met hers again.
"My dearest Anya" he whispered. "My angel, my princess."
Words were finally rendered useless as his lips met hers, and she wasn't sure if either her lips smiled into the kiss or if her heart did. But whatever her heart was feeling, however strong or sweet it felt, whatever it was, she felt it was very, very nice...
"Karl" she whispered as tears fell down her cheeks, "why'd you have to do this to me?" Mournfully she lied down on the bed and hugged his lifeless body to her.
"You're... so cold..."
The sentence escaped her lips as she let go of him and turned on her side, facing the window. The world outside was beautiful and, after all that had just happened, she felt she'd no part in it anymore, for whatever reason arose. It was as if her entire world had fallen apart, and she was stuck in the middle of its ruins.
Something inside her--pure self-despair, the feeling that life was no longer worth living--caused her to take out his pocket knife and, going to the mirror, look at her own reflection. Taking off the high collar that covered her neck and placing it aside, she undid the top buttons of her coat to reveal the scar of the battle that could've done her in. Kissing the blade without a shard of remorse, she carefully reopened the wound, the slash bleeding cautiously for the first time in years. Placing the knife beside the collar she removed her locket then, placing that aside, went to the bed and took the tie off of Karl. After putting the tie loosely on her own neck, she went to the window one last time. Then she went back to the bed and, lying down on her side, faced the window.
"Oh happy world" she whispered with a smile of misery, "you can have your blessed freedom. You can have whatever the hell you want.
"But rest assured, you will never have me."
Lying on her back she stared at the ceiling for a moment. After she prayed to the Creator above for forgiveness, she closed her eyes, clasping her hands on her chest, cried her last few tears.
Then she fell asleep, awaiting to join Karl at the gates of death.
*writer's note--memory excerpts for Lisbon, onboard the Trans-Europa, and Venice are from, respectively, Chapter 2 [We Are The Robots], Chapter 16 [...to the Heart of the Moment], Chapter 17 [Confessions], and Chapter 18 [Recollections].*
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment